What NOT to Name your Baby by Joe Borgenicht

Author:Joe Borgenicht
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: SIMON SPOTLIGHT ENTERTAINMENT
Published: 2005-07-15T00:00:00+00:00

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Tag (tahg) German for “day.” The appropriate way to praise your child with this name for good behavior is “Guten, Tag!”

Talon (TAL- un) The sharp, pointed claw on a bird of prey’s foot used to capture and kill hapless rodents. Also, a short-lived, American-made, poor man’s sports car.

Tanner (TAN- er) One who skins and cures the hides of animals while in the sun, without wearing sunscreen.

Tat (tat) Short form of “tattoo,” a type of permanent ink decoration applied to the skin, most often adopted while intoxicated and then regretted for the rest of one’s life.

Taz (taz) A cartoon devil that whirls around, wreaking havoc.

Te’quandris (tuh -KWAN- dris) Early cousin of a popular Mexican alcohol that was quickly phased out after makers realized that it just confused consumers.

Teter (TEE- ter) A tendency to wobble. Also, half a piece of playground equipment.

Thor (thor) Norse god of thunder. Also, a blond, dress-wearing superhero who fought the forces of evil with a hammer.

Thurston (THUR- sten) Island-dwelling husband of Lovey who continued to wear his pith helmet and ascot episode after episode.

Tiki Lou (tee-kee -LEW) A portly, poorly kept gentleman who runs the local Hawaiian-themed bar.

Titus (TIE- tuss or TITE- ass) A Roman senator and protagonist of a Shakespearean tragedy. Also, an uptight, annoying little prig.

Toah (TOE- uh) Oah Noah, I think I broke my toah!

Travis (TRAA- viss) A country singer destined to make a couple of bucks singing about his life in the trailer park.

Trey (tray) Middle English “three.” Cursed with a third nipple, making junior high gym class excruciating.

Trezor (TRAY- zor) Major advance in shaving technology utilizing three blades.

Trilogy (TRIH- low-gee) A group of three. Destined for performance anxiety issues.

Tristan (TRIS- tun) Cross-dressing pop diva and expert on all things Cher. Goes by Trista on Thursday nights.

Truck (truck) Slow to accelerate and hard to stop once moving. This name is not recommended unless you know CB lingo such as “ten-four,” “ten-twenty,” “smoky on my tail,” and “good buddy.”

UnpN2000

The Most Unpopular Names of 2000

As these names were utilized by a society who didn’t even know how to work a manual voting machine, you would be wise to consider avoiding them as well.

Boys

Kale

Jaleel

Dontae

Brant

Abner

Zander

Rown

Francesco

Brennon

Branson

Bo

Girls

Mandy

Kenna

Kaylan

Kaycee

Antoinette

Annamarie

Yasmeen

Rhianna

Marlen

Leanne

Kendal

Source: Social Security Administration

Tucomah (to-cu M- ahh) A premature ejaculator.

Tugdick (TUG- dick) A baseball player who will never make it past the minor leagues.

Tut (tut) Short form of Tutankhamen, king of Egypt from 1361-52 BC. Famous only because his survivors forgot where they buried him. He’s our favorite honky.

Twylen (TWY- lun) B-grade country singer obsessed with losing his horse.

Tyathos (tie -ATH- ose) An artificial feta alternative sold in bulk at Costco.

Tylen (TIE- lun) The act of laying tile.

Tylier (tie-lee -AY) A French grout designer.

Tyre (tire) To grow bored or impatient. Chronically exhausted. Also, the covering of a wheel made out of rubber and filled with compressed air. A child with this name is destined to suffer from Attention Deficit Disorder and flatulence.

Tyreek (tie -REEK) A home improvement handyman who didn’t shower for day two.

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